Confused. I guess that's what you could call me. I'm starting to rethink everything I ever thought or believed. Well...maybe not everything, but enough to make my head spin!
When I was young, I really didn't know how to discern the Truth. When people told me something, I feared rejection, so I conformed to what they said. Instead, I should have been firm in my relationship with Christ and went to Him to see if what people told me was correct. When people touted a doctrine and made those who disagree practically out to be heretics, I should have went to Christ. People are not my Bible! If I go to Christ for direction isn't He able to keep me from falling into false doctrine???
It's not that I'm doubting Christ is real, completely abandoning the way I live, changing what I believe, or abandoning all my convictions, rather, I want my beliefs to be solely based on Christ alone and done because of love for Him and my neighbor, not because of fear of man.
So many friends as they grew up went from one ditch to another. They were ultra conservative (probably due to all the gossip if you weren't). Then, as they got older, they realized what they thought was a must really wasn't. So they abandoned practically everything and went into another ditch, going into pitfalls their parents were trying to help them avoid. To a certain extent, I don't care if they don't live a certain way if its because they no longer have those convictions. But, to just completely abandon beliefs without finding out what God truly does want is a sure way to go from one ditch to another. It's something I want to avoid.
It's hard finding a balance. One I'm praying I will find. For now, I'm taking it slow, praying to Christ and crying out to Him to show me the way, and walking very, very slow. I want to stay on the straight and narrow path, not in the ditch on either side.